I have had my very own access to the intertubes for a little over two weeks now. No more the roving bandwidth thief, I surf to my heart’s content, and from anywhere in the house rather than the couple of square metres in the sitting room that gets a stealable signal. And as a result of this experience, I confidently state that were I a playa, a shrewd and wise investor in the stock markets, I would right now be selling Telecom Italia short and buying up Fastweb.

Telecom was just a joke. In mid-October I notified them that I was moving and that I wanted my ADSL line to move with me. The phone moved fine. The ADSL? Couldn't be done. The company no longer offers Tin, only Alice. I would have to cancel my Tin account and then request access from Alice. Did that. Received the confirmation. Nothing happened. I’ll spare you the boring details; suffice to say that every time I spoke to someone the story was changed, they were nice as pie, everything started again, and nothing happened. Four separate times.

Eventually I threw in the towel. Filled in the form on the Fastweb site. Hours later, honest, I got a call from a human being confirming my order and making an appointment for the technician to come. He was early, but phoned first to confirm. He fitted the boxes on a Monday. Then we had to wait till the Friday for activation. In fact, come Friday the line was not activated. But a call on Saturday noted the problem and suddenly, on Monday morning, all the lights on the box came on and there we were. Phone and wifi, just working.

OK, so I have no idea how to forward a port on the router, but I’m not sure I need to anyway. Everything seems to be going swimmingly. touch wood.

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